Heaven’s Floodgates

Miles continues to be an overwhelming blessing.  Life continues to overwhelm me with blessings—Life with Bridget, suburban comforts, 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep, an intelligent, focused, and kind boss, a daily dose of teenagers and positive co-workers, a stable paycheck, my health, and the weekend.  I’m ashamed to even say it, but it is hard to receive blessing with joy.  I’m used to just being a warrior.  I’m used to working hard and earning everything.  In some ways, on a human level, I have earned great life.  But all these blessings, these people, Miles, love and kindness, go beyond me.  My blessings are bigger than me.  It is crushing to my ego and my sense of identity to believe that I haven’t earned and cannot earn blessings.  To see life, God, people—-my beautiful Miles—as a pure, heaven-sent gift free of my works, is crushing to my sense of worth.  This perspective leaves room only for unconditional love and forgiveness—supernatural abilities that I cannot manufacture with my hands or human effort.  So today, I had some strong Christian brothers lay hands on me and pray for me to learn the grace, joy, blessing, and strength of God—the forgiveness of God.  With many tears and sighs, I experienced joy and blessing.  Worshipping and singing to God as I hold Miles also helps me to experience joy and blessing.  How do you experience God’s blessing?  How do you receive it?  How do you receive blessing in general?  From people?  Within yourself?  Miles is sleeping right now listening to instrumental worship music.  What a blessing!

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